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Loud Noises from Jails..!

Saturday, March 03, 2018
By Robert Clements

Residents living near Arthur Road jail in Mumbai, and other jails throughout the country are sick and tired of raised voices now creating a huge din from inside jails all over. “It’s louder than fire crackers!” exclaimed one resident, talking to a newspaper reporter, “It’s like all those thousands of criminals interred inside are talking at one time!”

“Yes!” said the warden of the jail, “All this noise started after the arrest of Chidambaram’s son!”

“Why should the arrest of a former minister’s son spark of so much talking?” asked the surprised reporter.

“Remember,” said the warden wearily, “he was arrested based on the testimony of a convicted murderer, a woman who allegedly killed her own daughter, tried to kill her son, buried that same daughter after burning her, and is supposed to be a pathological liar, which more or less sums up most of the hardened criminals in my jail! Now these fellows in my jail suspect if they make up a good enough story, they also will get better comforts in jail, have their sentences reduced, or even be set free for sudden lack of evidence! We’ve just received a confession from the convict who did the serial murders in the suburbs last year. He says that Rahul is actually a married man, who’s left his wife and pretending he’s a bachelor!”

“That won’t work,” said the reporter, “Even our present leader’s done that!”

“But this man says, she is from Pakistan!”

“Whoa! Whoa!” said the reporter, “Can I meet this man?”

“The CBI has already taken him to Delhi for questioning!” said the warden, “Meanwhile we’ve been told to install an air-conditioner in his cell!”

“I guess there must be many such tales!” said the reporter.

“I know an opposition leader who eats beef!” shouted a convict from inside the jail, and the reporter saw police officials running hurriedly to the criminal, carrying a bowl of chocolate and cookies.

“Kejriwal’s wife is the actual ruler of Delhi!” shouted another convict.

“Manmohan Singh is not really a doctor!” shouted another.

“Mamta Bannerjee wears jeans and T shirts in her home!” shouted a voice from an isolation cell.

The reporter watched as officials from the premier police force rushed to each of the convicts with the same special treat, even as other jailbirds shouted even louder to get the special favours.

The reporter wrote in his report, “Residents living near jails throughout the country are sick and tired of loud voices creating a huge din from inside jails all over, but what people of India are really scared of, is soon there will be a scarcity of chocolates and cookies in the country..!”

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