Expression of feelings is not a crime
My name is Alka. I am 24 yrs old. In my 24 yrs of life, I never loved nor proposed to anyone. Last year, I completed my postgraduation and currently I am working in a reputed organisation. But suddenly I got attracted to one particular guy who is also working with me. He is my service head and team leader. We used to have chat only officially. I used to always ping him through messenger or call him through phone and clarify official doubts with him. Not even once he called or pinged me. Since I liked him, I proposed my feeling to him on February 14th (Valentine’s Day) through phone. When I proposed to him, he was in Chennai on deputation. But he rejected my love very politely saying that he is already engaged to someone. Now, my problem is, I am not at all worried about the denial of my love. But we are working in the same project and I am worried whether he will tell my office colleagues about my proposal which would create a bad impression about me in office. When I come to office now, I feel that my colleagues are looking at me strangely. Now, I regret proposing to a guy who is a senior and working in the same orgnisation. I feel so guilty though I work with him now. How can I come out of this feeling? Can you please suggest or provide a solution for my predicament?
Valentine’s Day is meant for expressing one’s feelings, which are sometimes reciprocated and sometimes not. Exploring relationships is not a crime.
You were right in proposing to him on Valentine’s Day, and if you had not done so, you would have never known whether he reciprocated your feelings. Now that you know he is engaged, you are free to move on and explore other relationships.
As far as your anxiety about your colleagues knowing about this issue is concerned, there is absolutely nothing to fear. You have done nothing wrong in boldly and honestly expressing your feelings and there is no reason for guilt. Remember that being pro-active is not an offence. You are a woman of the 21st century, and today, honest expression of feelings is not frowned upon but instead viewed with respect. Moreover, you have been graceful and dignified in receiving the news of his engagement elsewhere. You have in fact shown rare courage, and should in fact feel proud of yourself for handling the issue so well.
Cleanliness & attraction
We are married for about three years. My wife lacks the sense of cleanliness. She does not go for waxing regularly. Her armpits always stink. She does not dress up well. Due to her unhygienic habits and shabby get-up, I do not feel like having sex with her. I get attracted to other women who are well-groomed. What do I do?
It is important that you bring to her notice very gently and lovingly, your discomfort with the unpleasant odour and any other unhygienic habits. Also, suggest to her what she could actively do to eliminate all that, like waxing, using deodorants, etc. In fact, you could gift her with a beauty salon appointment and a deodorant. However, take care to appreciate the person that she is. Go beyond appearances. Your wife is much more than her body.
She is bound to have some good qualities as a wife. A fulfilling relationship is based on love, care and understanding. Understand that your wife is not responsible for her lack of hygiene or aesthetic sense, because she has probably been brought up in such an environment and lacked exposure to the finer aspects of life.