Sharing The Same Dream
I am a female of 24 yrs. I have been married for last six months. We had a great honeymoon. He loves me a lot even till date. But my problem is that I had a different picture of marriage… both of us living independently somewhere. Whereas we are now living together with his parents. No doubt my in-laws are very good & loving but still I'm not satisfied. Please tell me the way out of my depression.
It is your dream to have your own ‘Home Sweet Home’, but it is important to know whether the same dream is shared by the partner. You have not mentioned your partner’s wishes and the circumstances (Is he very attached to his parents? Is he the only child of aging parents? Are both of you financially capable to afford a house of your own?). You say that there are no problems with your in-laws ~ that is a blessing! If you continue to brood and resent your pleasant circumstances, you will have only yourself to blame for creating unhappiness in yourself and in your relationships at home. The place where you are just now (with your in-laws) can also be turned into a little heaven by developing a good rapport with your in-laws from your side. If and when the circumstances are conducive to have a place of your own, let it happen gracefully and let the shifting be pleasant. In the meantime, do all you can to make this your ‘Home Sweet Home’ and your room your little ‘love nest’.
Phantasms
I am married for eight months. I love my husband a lot. My husband has been talking about some ‘phantasms’ and he would like me to take part in the realisation of some of them. I am puzzled. Do I have to accept?
The most important principle about human sexuality is: Never force one’s desires on another. According to this principle, you do not have to accept what your husband imposes or compels on you. On the other hand, if you feel that your participation in the realisation of your husband’s phantasms will strengthen your mutual love and that this act does not particularly appear difficult, physically harmful or emotionally disturbing for you, then why refuse? If this act feels physically or psychologically distressing for you, then refuse because this can have a blocking effect on your sexuality and it can be harmful to your relationship and the love that you feel for your husband.
- Heart To Heart Counselling Centre runs Certificate courses in Counselling & Sex Education at 10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27. Tel: 22184528 / 9821093902. Email: hthindia@gmail.com www.hearttoheartindia.net