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Heart To Heart

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Phimosis
If a man is unable to pull the skin on his penis to expose his glans penis, how does it affect his sexual performance?

The head of the penis (glans penis) is the part of the penis that is most sensitive to sexual stimulation and has the most nerve endings (neuro-receptors). A man enjoys sexual stimulation better, if his glans penis is uncovered by the foreskin during the sexual act. Ideally the foreskin needs to get retracted on erect penis, enough to expose the whole of glans-penis. This may either happen on its own on full erection or one may have to do it manually before penetration. Both ways it is normal and fine. If the retraction of foreskin is not possible or painful, then it is a medical condition known as “Phimosis”. This condition requires a surgery known as "Circumcision". However this can be decided only after examining the patient. There is always a fear of person developing paraphimosis (a painful surgical condition) during intercourse if foreskin is getting retracted incompletely.

Feeling like an amateur
My 22-year-old girlfriend has more experience than me (Age 23) and I want to turn her on but I have only done it once and I feel like an amateur and like I get nervous when things get hot. Any suggestions?

If you are talking about casual sex, then the heart is not involved, with the result that there is a need to impress and score points because of a fear that you are being evaluated against others. If your girlfriend is also with you for a casual fling then she could very possibly be ‘rating’ your performance. However, if both of you are deeply emotionally involved with each other and are committed to each other, then there is no cause for fear. Sex is beautiful only if it is the culmination of a heart connection and even so, it is just one of the many ways to share intimacy with each other. So, if your girlfriend truly cares for you she will love and accept you for who you are and not for the type of sexual feats you can perform. Relax and do not be in a hurry to consummate this relationship. Know each other better and let nothing less than true love turn both of you on.

Can I take viagra?
I am 29 years old married man.  I have one child 2 years old but now I have some sexual problems. I experience weakness in my penis and it becomes small and little bit tilted and quick to ejaculate. Please give me some useful suggestion and names of medicines for improvement. Can I take Viagra? Are there any side effects if I take Viagra?


You seem to be experiencing Erectile Dysfunction (ED) and/or Premature Ejaculation (PE). These complaints are more likely to be “psychogenic” in nature in your case; however, do consult a qualified sex therapist for investigations, examination and further help. Treatment varies from case to case. There is no common/standard or generalised treatment for such complaints.

Kindly do not take Viagra (Sildenafil Citrate) on your own. It could be harmful / dangerous!

You have also asked about a tilt in your penis. A mild to moderate tilt in a penis is a variation of normal that does not need any treatment. If the tilt causes pain or starts hampering the penetration during intercourse, only then it needs to be treated / corrected. You have asked for the names of medicines. Before prescribing any medication, ethically it is necessary to examine and investigate each case to properly diagnose the underlying cause for these manifestations. It is the cause that needs to be treated and not just the symptoms. Moreover, it is beyond the scope of this question-answer column to prescribe any medication for your problems.

Aging and sex
I am 67 year old man and enjoy or do sex once or twice in a fortnight. After doing it my legs start paining and breath also very fast. Till to-date I do not have BP, Diabetes or any heart disease. Only my family doctor tells me that I am a patient of hyperacidity, fear and anxiety. Now I want your advice.
1. Upto what age sex can be enjoyed?

2. Is it harmful to my health and what will be side-effects to my health in my future life. After doing so I feel very much weak, so what medicine I should take? Sometimes I take multi-vitamin capsules.


One can enjoy sex till one desires and is capable of, with mutual consent. However, the aging process affects all aspects of life; that is why there is something like ‘retirement age’ when even the most capable person has to quit his job & position. Aging gradually restricts all physical functions and affects all corporal attributes. How can the ability to perform sexual intercourse be an exception? The muscular pains and exhaustion are a natural consequence of any physical exercise that is stretched beyond your natural physical capacity. A regular 40 minutes walk, balanced diet and adequate rest will help you to remain in good health and have a longer sex life.

Mature adult relationship
I am Male, 41, married, wife aged 35. We are married since 15 years. Our relationship is very good. We have sex every week with condom. She loves me and is dedicated to me. Recently, I am feeling the need for another woman. Is it natural at this age? Then, can I approach some woman say in age group of 21 to 35 for such mature Adult relationship? In this context I would like to know woman psychology. For such a proposal, an urban woman will give a positive response? Or. Is it risky to ask such a question? Can I ask? Pls advice!

After 15 years of a “very good” relationship you are expected to grow and mature together and explore deeper levels of love with each other. So no. It is not natural for a mature individual at this age to scout around for ‘variety entertainment’.  And those who do, are those who have chosen to live a life confined to auto-sexuality, self-pleasuring and biology.  

But a human being is not just confined to his biology. He has been gifted with “discrimination” and an innate capacity to grow in “love”, something that animals do not possess.  You have said that your wife loves you and is dedicated to you. No where have you mentioned that you love her and are dedicated to her. And that is the root of your problem.

When sex is an expression of love it is beautiful, if not, it is animal-like.

No self respecting urban woman would respond to your advances, and those who do are the auto-sexual ones for whom you are neither the first nor the last.

Your desire for other women is simply a ‘symptom’ of deeper issues. You seem to be dissatisfied with life at he age of 41. See a counsellor who will help you reach to the root of your problem.

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If a man is unable to pull the skin on his penis
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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