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Heart To Heart

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

How can he be so heartless?
I kind of know the answers to my problem but still am interested to find out what the professional advice is! Been in love with this guy for the last 7 yrs but the relationship, from his side, has not changed at all; for him it's nothing more than hot steamy sex EVERYTIME. I feel like an ultimate looser as I have loved him from the very core of my soul and he still hasn't budged an inch. Even if one keeps a pet, one gets emotionally tied 2 it in a couple of days so how come he does not have any REAL feelings for me?.As soon as sex is over, he wants to, and does, walk away. This feeling of rejection is killing me and has continued to do so for the past 7 yrs. as much as I have tried, I am unable to break away from him. How can he be so heartless? I’m 40 now and he's 43 so its not that its puppy love from my side.

If you know what’s good for you then not only walk away (like he does) but run away from this relationship. You ask me why he treats you this way, and my answer is that ‘you have taught him how to treat you’. In spite of the shabby way this guy treats you, you continue to allow him to get away with it. Why? Ask yourself, “What is the pay-off I am getting by remaining in this ‘non-relationship’?”, and if you are honest with yourself you will see that you are in some warped way, gaining something out of being where you are. How can you complain? You are where you are because you have chosen to be there. And you have the freedom to choose otherwise. The choice is yours!!

Don’t resign to a sexless destiny
I am 53 years old married woman with grown up children. My husband is 56. I stopped getting my periods due to menopause since last one year. We both do get sexual urges but feel guilty while making advances to each other due to our ages. Menopause is said to be the end of sex life / sexual relationship. Why is it so difficult then to accept this fact?

A lot of people presuppose that sex life is all over at fifty and resign themselves to a sexless destiny. This tendency is further fueled by jokes & folklore and the glorification of youth by our modern society. The truth is that most of the people are sexually active throughout their lives. Our sexuality is nature's gift to us, and it enhances our feeling of well being. Intimacy and sex makes us feel good physically and emotionally. Sex, especially in a loving relationship, nourishes the bonding between partners, besides being a good form of exercise. It also makes the body produce the endorphins, which increase the functioning of our immune system, making us more capable to resist infections and illnesses and also give us a natural high.

Relaxing and breathing together promote a feeling of oneness between loving partners and the existence, adding a spiritual dimension to life. A healthy, loving, intimate sexual relationship helps to keep you healthy and happy into the Golden Years. So let nature take its natural course without your presuppositions.

Never judge a book by its cover
I am a student at an engineering college in India and shall be going for higher studies to the USA two years. The thing is I now feel a real need of a good friend in my life (I don't know why my heart says -it should be a girl, may be I am getting a bit sexual or because I’m influenced by my friends, those who have girlfriends, I really don't know) but this is for sure that I really need somebody to share my feelings. It is not that I am in a great state of depression; it's just what I feel about these days. Now, the problem is I am a guy really hating girls, means I can't tolerate the stupid girls here at my place at least. I just can't talk to them and their presence makes me feel awkward. I don't have a personal enmity with any girl still I abhor girls. I think they all are not worth calling girls (I feel the same for most of the girls I have met, having extreme pride for their beauty and sexuality). In such a situation what should I do? Approach a girl (or wait for the one God has made for me.) I really can't understand the feeling I have, a complex pinching one indeed. I really can't understand why such a felling aroused in my heart but it has and I request a healing advice.

I can feel the agony in your question. First of all, it is very normal and natural at your age to have sexual feelings, and of course these feelings very naturally include a girl. You also talk of an emotional need of a confidante in your life, someone with whom you can be yourself and share your innermost thoughts. This need is also very normal as man is not only a physical being but also an emotional being. However, a life partner who fits the bill physically and emotionally, will not suddenly fall into your lap nor can you go shopping for one. What you need to do is to remain open and continue to be socially accessible i.e. besides remaining in contact with girls in your college or where you live, you could take up some short courses like public speaking, personality development, also music or computer classes, theatre workshops etc. The point is to increase your social circle so that the right person has an opportunity to enter your life. (If nothing else, you will gain in knowledge, skills, creative satisfaction and lots of new friends). Also ‘never judge a book by its cover’. That means your impression of girls seems to be based on appearances or some minimal interaction. Very often girls are also awkward at this age. It is possible that if you keep your judgement aside, and unbiasedly get to know them better, you may find your initial impression changing with some of them. So keep your attitude aside and mingle around ~ the girl of your dreams is sure to be out there somewhere.

Condom getting lost
We are married for just four months. We do not want issue for the next one-year. Oral pills do not suit my wife, so we are advised to use condom to avoid pregnancy. However my wife fears that if condom comes off during or at the end of the intercourse, it may get lost in her vaginal cavity (or somewhere else deep inside her body) and may create complications. What is the truth? Can such a thing happen?

If a condom does come off when a couple has sexual intercourse and slips into the vagina, the woman can easily reach into her vagina with her fingers and pull it out. It does not enter the uterus or the body. The vagina is almost like a blind pouch with a very narrow collapsed passage into the uterus which cannot allow the condom to go beyond that point. Moreover, a condom is too large an object to get lost into the vagina.

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre runs Certificate courses in Counselling & Sex Education at 10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 9821093902.

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