She has no interest in me
I am a 28-year-old man who recently got married to a girl of my parents’ choice. We stay in a joint family. Three months have passed and we still haven’t consummated our marriage because my wife says she was married against her wish and has no interest in me. She says that as soon as her lover comes back from abroad, she will walk out of my life. This has put me in a dilemma because my parents think all is fine between us and my mother will not be able to deal with such a blow when it happens since she’s a heart patient. I have tried to reason with my wife but she is a stubborn woman and refuses to change her stance.
It is obvious that your wife has made up her mind, and therefore, working towards convincing her would be a waste of time and effort on your part. You also seem to have accepted that your wife is not your wife in the truest sense of the word, but are worried about your mother’s reaction. It is therefore best, that you gradually start preparing your mother’s mind by mentioning about the ‘non-consummation’ casually and vaguely without revealing any other details. You could visit a counsellor with your wife and explain the reasons that both of you want out of this marriage, and engage the help of the counsellor in helping your mother accept the same healthily. You can mention this visit to the counsellor to your mother after a few days, and also mention that you do not believe that the relationship can work out, and that you will be happier opting out of it. At this point you can mention to her that the marriage could be annulled on the grounds of non-consummation. While sharing all this, keep her cardiologist informed about the fact that she could be experiencing some additional stress so that he can monitor her physical well-being. Then take her to the same counsellor so that she can ventilate her thoughts and feelings freely. This sharing will de-stress her.
The counsellor can also address all her concerns about the present and future, put her mind at rest about various issues regarding the annulment, and help her
accept the inevitable outcome of your marriage more healthily and gracefully. It goes without saying that you need to meet a family court lawyer, to go ahead with annulment proceedings, where both of you acknowledge the non-consummation and mutually consent to the annulment.
Performance anxiety
I am 24 and am getting married next month. I am worried about one thing – Will I be able to satisfy my wife? I am told that the first impression is the last impression.
You seem to be experiencing a classical “performance anxiety” that many men experience before marriage.
Remember, it is not necessary to have sexual intercourse on the very first night. Sex is not the first and the only thing on a woman’s mind. A woman looks forward to first understand and love her husband before she is ready for sexual intercourse. The success of a marriage depends on the love and understanding between partners and not on the first sexual performance.
Let her first impression of you be one of a gentle, caring and friendly person rather than one of an impatient and anxious partner.
Everyone experiences some level of ‘performance anxiety’ in the first few attempts. However, later on it diminishes. In the correct circumstances and in a relaxed
environment, with an equally involved and responsive partner, you will be able to perform sexual intercourse.