Relationship with a married man
I am a 26-year-old woman living alone in the city since the past four years. I was seeing a 50-year-old man since the past three and half years. A month back he confessed that he is married with two kids and that he no longer wanted to be with me because his wife came to know about the affair and threatened to walk out. He had earlier promised that we would have a secure future together. During the time we were together, I got pregnant twice but had to abort the baby since he kept telling me he wasn’t ready for fatherhood. I was totally shattered and came clean to my parents about the whole situation. They are now forcing me to move back with them and also get married to a guy they have selected for me.
It is said that a woman’s instincts are very good, and that she usually knows when things are amiss in a relationship. But then it is equally true that one often ignores not only one’s instincts, but even what is a glaring reality, and sees selectively only what one wants to see, and simply chooses to ignore the other more glaring data. I am sure you had enough clues to rouse some suspicion that all was not well, during the three and half year dating period with a 50-year-old man, with you aborting twice because he was not prepared for fatherhood at the age of 50. It is possible that while you are reading our answer, you are engaging in some mental self-bashing and some bashing of this man.
However, neither bashing yourself or him will help. What will help though, is for you to dissect all the reasons and motives for being in this relationship with a man twice your age who promised you much but gave you nothing, what dire ‘need’ in you made you turn a blind eye to clues that might have been staring you in your face all this while, and where in your past do the origins of this dire ‘need’ lie. Today you will bring to the new relationship, a shattered, confused and fragmented self, but when you are healed from your past, you will be able to bring to the relationship your ‘whole’ self.
Sores around the labia
We are married for four years. I periodically develop painful sores around my labia. They heal on treatment but reappear after some time. I am sure we are faithful to each other. My husband does not have any problem. My PAP smear test done twice was normal. What do I do?
Having ‘rough sex’ without much foreplay and lubrication can contribute to sores around the labia. It could also be a fungal infection, or more seriously, even a sexually transmitted infection (STI). The most probable STI is genital herpes due to Herpes Simplex Virus (HSV). This infection (HSV) affects one out of every five sexually active people (20 per cent) and can go untreated for a long time because the sores can come and go away often making it easy to overlook. It can also be transmitted to a sexual partner without having any symptoms at all. This can answer why your husband does not have any symptoms. As this infection can go for years without being noticed or treated, a person can also get it from previous partners and not even know it. The best thing to do is to get tested specifically for this infection. A ‘PAP smear’ will not detect this infection.. If you have already been tested for STDs including HSV recently and know that you don’t have any, then it is most likely a fungal infection or just sores from rough sex without adequate lubrication as stated before. However, definitely consult your doctor at your earliest.