Have a reality-check
I am a 30-year-old woman and have a two-year-old daughter. A year back, my husband passed away in a freak accident. I continued to stay with my in-laws after that although I could sense that they didn’t want me staying with them anymore. They had never taken well to me since I belong to a different caste and my husband and I had eloped to get married. Now they want me to move out of the house because they claim there will be no space for me and my daughter once my two younger brothers-in-law get married. I don’t know where to go because I have no family in the city and I barely earn enough to support myself and my child. They’ve started mentally harassing me about my inadequate financial status as well.
While I empathize with your extremely difficult situation, it is imperative that you have a reality-check, so that your expectations are realistic, and the course of action you chose, helps you to move on with your life, and raise your child in an environment of inner and outer harmony. The limitation of space and financial resources seems to be causing this strained relationship with your in-laws, along with the fact that the only binding factor (your husband) is no longer present. Legally no one can displace you from the home where your husband resided, however, it is for you to decide whether you and your daughter, want to live in a cramped up home (once your brothers-in-law get married), and whether all of you can together co-exist in an environment of physical and psychological harmony. If you think it is not possible, then you can use the time you spend in this house to upgrade your skills and get any training necessary in order to scale up your income, in order to implement a long-term plan of moving to your own independent place. What is important is that you think of what is the ‘least unpleasant’ scenario (short-term and long-term) under the given circumstances, and work towards that, rather than unrealistically looking for an ideal or perfect solution.
Pre-marital sexual expectations
My boyfriend wants to have sexual intercourse with me, but I am a virgin and want to get married before entering into any kind of physical relationship. But, he says that nobody waits anymore and pre-marital sex is very common. I am totally confused. He is great guy and I have a lot of fun with him. However, the fact remains that I am not comfortable with the idea of pre-marital sex, and he wants it to happen. Also, I don’t want my decision to hurt our relationship. What should I do?
You say he is a ‘great guy and that you have fun with him’. Is he also a loving, caring, nurturing, mature, and understanding person? That is the question! You say that your intimacy values permit you to share your body in sexual intimacy only in a committed, meaningful and lasting relationship. You not only have every right to subscribe to these values and act in accordance with them, but also to communicate how important these values are to you, and that if he truly cared he would respect the same.
If your decision of waiting till marriage upsets him to the point that he holds your relationship hostage, and threatens to break off if you do not engage in pre-marital sex, then you are better off without him.
However, if after some pouting on his part, he respects your decision to wait, then you would know that this relationship with him is worth building on.