Gargi Bansod gives you some pointers on how to resolve a fight on fair terms
Relationships and fights go hand in hand, there’s no doubt about that! However, arguments and disagreements on big or petty issues do not have to turn into bitter blood battles. Read on to find out how you can fight clean and keep it civil.
Blame game
Never put all the blame on your partner because then the burden’s on him to fix “the problem” which is not fair. But, don’t take all the blame on yourself either. Remember that it takes two hands to clap and that relationships require work from both parties involved.
No third parties
During a fight, don’t mention a friend or a family member’s name and their opinions on your personal matters. It will only make things worse. It may be on the tip of your tongue, but never yell something like, “Well, my friend Jaya thinks you’re wrong, too!”
No distractions
Always stop whatever you are doing when an argument breaks out. So, no texting, watching TV or checking Facebook until it is resolved. If you pay more attention to other things than the fight, your partner is sure to get furious.
Surrender a little
If the argument is not leading to any mutual outcome, you need to be the bigger person and say that you agree to what he has to say and that you are sorry. This will calm him down and then you two can discuss it later when things are not so heated.
Pause & Play
Here’s a trick worth trying out. On the show How I Met You Mother, partners Marshal and Lily have a smart way of not letting a fight get out of control. When they feel a fight is escalating, they just say, ‘Pause’, out loud, take a break from their fight and go about doing their chores. They then continue the fight later when they are both in a better frame of mind.
No silent treatment
Trying to avoid a fight by turning a cold shoulder will lead to nothing. You cannot expect your partner to read your mind and let him figure out what’s wrong. You will only make things worse, creating something else to fight about!
Best avoided
A few things you must always avoid during fights; no below-the-belt remarks like ‘This is why your previous girlfriend left you’, no disguised sarcasm, abusive anger and accusing, judging or criticising past a certain limit. Remember that you love this person and should respect them even when things get tough. However, if you and your man are fighting like cats and dogs all the time… well, that’s a whole other article!