Packing and moving has to be one of the most physically and emotionally exhausting situations. And almost every woman will find herself in this position at some point during her life. Whether you’re moving for studies, love or work, Rhea Dhanbhoora & Gargi Bansod show you how to make the move easier
Things change, people grow and life moves us all to different places. But, does absence really make the heart grow fonder, or does it just make it ache with nostalgia? If you’re the one moving away, things can be especially hard. Not only do you miss your friends and family, you have to get accustomed to a new life, adjust to new surroundings and move away from everything you’re used to. Read on to find out how some women made the transition and we also give you a few tips on how to make moving less stressful.
Study Special
If you’re moving away for further studies, the change can be hard, especially if you’re moving away at a tender age. Andheri (E) resident, Anuja Pradhan (25), found it hard when she had to move to Scotland to pursue a Masters in Marketing from the University of St. Andrews. “It was hard to think about leaving my family. I’d miss them but what made it easier was that many of my friends were moving away too.” However, while it was tough leaving the life she was used to behind, Anuja knew she could do it because she had gone abroad for her undergrad as well. She says, “I always knew I wanted to go to the UK for postgraduate studies, so making the decision wasn’t hard.” She made the transition easier by joining groups on Facebook for new students at her university.
“I started conversations with a few people from the groups and continued them till the time I left. That way, when I went to Scotland, I already sort of knew a few people,” she says. Moving may be hard, but Anuja says she was lucky with the move she made, because she found an amazing group of friends, who got on very well and were excited about exploring their new home. While she didn’t feel homesick all the time, there were times when she wanted to do nothing but run back home. “I moved back home as soon as I was done with my course. It was a wonderful course in Scotland, but I knew I'd want to go back home when I was done studying,” she says. Her tip for anyone who has to move abroad to study is to find friends and do it fast. “That’s all you need to make any place feel like home,” she says.
Working Woman
When Shubhda Khanna (26) was offered a job in Delhi, her first reaction was excitement. “I was working with a magazine in Mumbai, when I got a job offer to work on a project to promote Indian literature in foreign translations. The literature enthusiast in me jumped at the opportunity, but it was only later that I realised it meant leaving my parents and friends behind and starting over in a new city,” she says. The former Chembur resident had a tough time making the decision to move, because she had never lived away from home. Relocating for work means that not only do you have to leave friends and family behind, you also have to start over, become responsible and provide for yourself. It can be quite scary, but if the job is worth it, we suggest doing what Shubhda did and go through with it. She says, “I knew that if I let go of the opportunity, I would regret it later. So, I took up the challenge and made the plunge. I didn’t plan or think too much because I knew that if I started over-analyzing the situation, I would end up confused.” The first few weeks were tough for her, because apart from missing the city, her family and friends, she missed little things about her everyday life. “But, I really enjoyed my work and knew it was worth moving for. And now, nine months after moving, I am really glad I did what I did.” With no regrets, Shubhda advises people faced in a similar situation to be courageous and go for it. “In today’s shrunken world of instant communication, there’s no reason to fear moving out of your comfort zone. In fact, now I have two cities that I can call home,” she says.
I do… Move
When Lucknow resident Haya Ashgar (23) had to consider saying ‘I do,’ she had a lot more to think about than the average bride. Her husband lived in Lucknow and she had to move there after she got married. “Lucknow is noisy and extremely hot. I especially had issues with the rigid lifestyles that people had and the lack of things to do on the weekend,” she tells us. While she’s over the initial stress of the move, she tells us that she’s still coping with it emotionally. “I make frequent visits to my hometown. But, I’m gradually adapting to my new life. I also try taking in the rich culture this city has to offer. The great food is an advantage, no doubt!” she says.
Family matters
Punjab resident Dr. Saroj Tyagi (62), a retired arts professor, moved around several cities with her family. As a child, she had to move between cities because of her father’s transferable job, during which she faced problems such as adjusting to new classmates and changing schools. Because of her career, she had to settle in a different state and found it hard to adjust to the language differences and cultural changes. Moving with your family is slightly easier because you have company with you. But, what happens when you have to move after you’ve retired? At that age, it becomes hard to uproot the life you know and make a new one. “The next big change happened after retirement when I decided to move again. The biggest problem that almost every person of my age faces today is the uncertainty of life. We have lived our entire life in a city, living a very active life, gaining name, fame, friends and respect but today since our children have moved out, we again find ourselves standing at crossroads finding it difficult to make a choice as to which road to choose and to start a whole new journey with lot of skepticism and little physical strength. At this age most of the things that happen in our lives are not planned by us. So, the best thing to do is just go with the flow and try and make your life as uncomplicated and stress free as possible. If health is on your side, everything is possible,” she says.
Stay emotionally healthy
“Change is the only thing constant in life, and sometimes moving house is inevitable,” says psychologist, Dr. Parul Tank from Fortis Hospital. The effects of moving can be positive as well as negative on the people who are moving. While positively you’re learning more and opening new avenues, getting new experiences — you could suffer extreme homesickness and psychological change. “There are also psychosocial issues to be considered, such as like language barriers, different cultures, lack of social network initially which all affect emotional health,” says Dr. Parul.
Children tend to suffer the most from these changes, as do pets. “Issues such as separation anxiety can be seen. There can be periods of anxiety, social phobia and even school phobia as children learn to adjust to a new environment. Similarly pets can become anxious and show symptoms of rebellion or withdrawn behavior,” Dr. Parul tells us. While the most you can do with a pet is give them lots of love and affection, here are a few tips on how to make the transition easier for your children:
- Communicate honestly with them and reassure them constantly as they will be feeling lonely and low during this period.
- Try and make the new environment and home as similar to the old as you can. This will help your children feel less like everything has changed around them.
- Don’t make your children think they can’t talk to you about how they feel. Make them feel as though the atmosphere around them is one in which they can confide their fears and worries in you.
- Sometimes, helping children to make new friends and making their teachers aware of their anxiety is useful.
Study abroad
- Be social. Don’t stay in your room and study all day. Meeting new people is an integral part of further studies.
- Use the internet as a means of communicating with your family. Video chats, constant messages and sending pictures helps keep homesickness at bay.
- Join groups and get involved in university activities as it will keep you busy and help you enjoy your new setting.
- Meet people and experience new things. Acting like a tourist occasionally will help make it feel like a vacation instead of a chore that led you away from your family.
Moving with family
- Involve your family and children actively in researching the city you’ll are moving to.
- Make a concrete plan for how everyone will be able to communicate with their friends and family back home.
- You must prepare your family and allow them to participate sufficiently and give them enough time to process what’s happening.
- Help your family feel safe by discussing situations you may encounter in your new home.
Work away from home
- Plan ahead, make sure you’ve got at least a few months before the move.
- Discuss where you will live and travel before accepting the job — it would be better if it was included in your package.
- Make a few trips to the new city, soak up the sights and sounds and see if you can really live there comfortably.
- Be aware and informed about the safety of the place that you’re moving to.
Post marriage vows
- When you move to another city post marriage, make new friends, but don’t neglect your best friends back home.
- Step out into the community, check the local paper to find out what’s going on in your area and try something new. You need to find someone similar who you can share your interests with, apart from your husband.
- Be pro-active. After you move into your new house or apartment, take a walk around the block and introduce yourself to your neighbours. Host a party or invite another couple to join you for dinner or a local cultural event. And when anyone offers you help moving in or getting to know the area, take them up on it.
Moving permanently
- Remember to read the fine print on your agreement if you’re moving into a new home.
- Don’t forget to change your address on important documents such as your passport, licence, bank and insurance papers.
- Transfer an account or create a new one in the local bank nearest to you.
- Make sure you have the originals and copies of birth, marriage and medical certificates.